and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
