Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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