So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
