she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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