I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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