Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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