No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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