using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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