It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
