im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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