im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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