yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i think my cat just said my name.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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