Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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