I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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