Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
