i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
