please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
