Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
