Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
