TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
