happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
