That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
