Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
