Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
