We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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