yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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