He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
