I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
