we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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