a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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