This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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