I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
