My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize