is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
