garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
