i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
