What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
