Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
God, I missed his penis.
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