I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
