I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
