i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
