drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
