i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
