He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
