I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
