Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
