i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize