I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
