I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
