i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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