Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
