I'm so fucking centered right now
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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