Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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