so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
