Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
