I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
