o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
