I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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