She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
