If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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