just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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