i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize