good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
