My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
