This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
