ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
