Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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