It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
