So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
