I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize