so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
