dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
