ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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