I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
